The Set You Always Miss
Sigh*
This all started yesterday. I very clearly made a post on Facebook which lead to an invite to a BBQ on the fourth of July in Algiers Point New Orleans Louisiana, (are all the names supposed to go together like that?). My friend Byron and I went, and I was introduced as a comedian.... "They are very funny." Common mistake, this happens a lot. However, G is also a comedian, and has never seen me go on stage...I don't think. I have insane performance anxiety and every time I go up, I shake....and forget everything I was going to say. For me to hit the stage, I am usually blackout drunk which, usually doesn't go very well or have any content that I would like to remember or even hear again. Never the less, I am now a comedian.
The entire situation made me re-think all of the time I have spent amerced in the NOLA comedy scene. What the hell am I doing? I know I love art of all stages and when I enjoy something, I am immediately immersed. Nothing in me will let it go. I try to reject the idea of being neuro-divergent and instead a procurer of outlandish and flamboyant experiences. I receive joy from other people's enjoyment of my entertainment, however, in an intimate setting. I put no emphases or grounding into actually becoming better at one thing....instead I try to learn and be great at many things. This in itself becomes a matter of infectious disappointment and the conveyor of no goals ever being met.
After making jokes about this in my head all night to delegitimize myself..... such as creating a set called, "The Set You Always Miss." I was able to convey to a few friends how I honestly felt a bit distraught about this whole notion of me being viewed as a comedian and not being one. It created this conflict. While I love all of my comedy friends, even more so, I love my experiences with them. I am sure one day, I will jump on stage regularly....however, when my self esteem is custom built to self destruct for absolutely no reason....except pure fear of success, then I will remain as an audience member.
SO....with no real vision of gaining any traction with this.....I am just going to document my experiences in the art world while living in NOLA. Whether I become an actual artistic contribution, this is my way to support a community and give viable coverage to anyone that cares about the NOLA art scene. It will be a bit egocentric at first, of course....due to the fact it will only cover things that directly involve me. Even so, honestly, I just need to do something. My life is getting more and more boring.
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